Gary Is Online

I learned a long time ago that I really don’t care for bay leaf. Our school cafeteria used to put it in stuffing, soup, gravy and whatever else they could dream up. Before long I could taste bay leaf in everything that came out of that kitchen.

I have also found that I have little if any respect for many that walk down the red carpet during award shows in Hollywood.

So how on earth does Hollywood relate to a bay leaf?

Just like eating the food prepared by the bay leaf lovin’ cooks in the school cafeteria, you can taste Hollywood’s overpowering agenda in just about every creative they touch.

Television series, news, movies, theater and song are where the liberals do church. That’s where they do their preaching. Going to the theater is like sitting in a pew at the First Liberal Church of the Humanist.

I have to practically plug my nose to get through their views on war, sex, cow fart emissions, baby sea turtles and what we, the evil Columbus spawn, did to the Indians…oops…excuse me Native Americans. I picked up on the Columbus thing while watching ‘Blind Side’ with Sandra Bullock.

Watching the Red Carpet has become a game to review how many unique and often humorous ways celebrities have found to completely bork up their lives. Normally I don’t mock the borked (OK, I do). But for some reason, when it comes to writers and actors and singers, the more dysfunctional they are, the more qualified they are to spew their genius little “life lessons” on society.

I can’t wait to see how many agendas the upcoming AVATAR can pack in as a military mission seeks to remove an indigenous (humanlike) population on their planet who are in the way of mining a precious mineral.

And then enters Adam Lambert to the party.

He so eloquently explains how he should be able to show-n-tell his sexual fantasies to the unsuspecting home viewing audience, because female singers do it all the time. It’s a double standard. So HIS logical life lesson here, is that…wait…let me stop laughing.

OK…so Adam’s life lesson here is that instead of advocating NOBODY performing sex acts while singing to audiences of all ages, his logic is that the girl singers get to do it, so the boys should be able to contribute to the cheap random slut agenda too.

We at home should captively and with great artistic interest watch him get a simulated BJ, passively finger some girl without getting smacked and give a strangely awkward face-slammed kiss to one of his bandies. Meanwhile just sit back and enjoy his lyrics…”Let me Entertain You”. AND according to Perez Hilton (Adam’s new spokesperson), if you didn’t enjoy their bay leaf being crammed down your throat, then you are a homophobe, intolerant and everything wrong with these here United States of America.

Oh what I wouldn’t give to gather as many life living strategies from Adam Lambert and Perez Hilton. It’s about as logical as asking Kanye for tips on social grace or Martin Sheen for parenting tips. Yet these and swarms of other celebs are the geniuses that we turn to for advice on how to live, how to vote, what to wear, who to love, who to hate, who’s good, who’s evil, what is true, what is false and generally what is acceptable in society.

In case you needed to jog your memory, here are many pictures (mugshots) of several of the people telling us what to think.

Do I smell bay leaf?